Are you and your partner needing to split sentimental items after a breakup? While challenging at best, it may be possible to divide your sentimental belongings in a way that minimizes conflict and helps both of you move forward. Consider the following experiment: Each party privately identifies the sentimental items in rank order of importance to them. Before revealing each person’s list, consider reaching conceptual agreement in advance about how to proceed to break a tie (flip a coin, allow the person who loses the tie to get the next item on their list or something of equivalent sentimental or monetary value, consider who had the closest relationship with the giver, or whatever seems fair to you both). Then, consider moving down the list one by one with each person getting their choice until there’s a tie (e.g., both people want the same item). Resolve the tie using the agreed upon strategy before moving further down the list until all items are accounted for. Another version of this strategy is to first categorize the sentimental items into “High Sentimental Value,” “Moderate Sentimental Value,” and “Low Sentimental Value” and proceed as described above. Once all items have been assigned, you may want to consider “trading” items amongst each other if both parties see a benefit in so doing. Such trades may even include non-sentimental items already divided if it makes sense to do so.

Just know in advance that this process can be very emotional. If possible, have an honest discussion about why certain items are important to each of you and try to understand each other’s perspective to help promote fair decisions. Both parties might consider alternatives that might compensate for the loss of a coveted sentimental item, such as creating a photo or digital copy of the item (if applicable). creating replicas or copies of the item so both individuals can retain a version of the memory. If it’s not possible to agree on certain items, especially highly sentimental items, consider a shared custody arrangement where the item rotates between both parties. Lastly, it’s important to recognize the importance of items gifted by loved ones who have passed away. In such cases, it may make sense to consider who had the closest relationship with the deceased when making decisions.

While this process can be challenging, with patience, empathy, and open communication, it may be possible to divide sentimental items in a way that honors the memories and relationships they represent.